Because truth is so much funnier than fiction...

Last week one of the ladies in my book club wondered out loud when one of us would start writing a book about being a military wife.  Which was funny because I've been writing mine in my head for the last decade.  So far, though, the book has not made it out of my head, because every time I try to put the stories on paper, I realize that I have to change a lot more than just the names so that no one will recognize themselves in my book and then sue me.  But my fictionalized version is never as funny, or as interesting, or as moving, or as just plain real as my real life; and I figure if the book sounds boring to me, it's definitely not going to be gripping reading for anyone else. 
So I've decided to satisfy myself with writing down the real story instead.  Because I swear I can NOT make stuff up that is anywhere near as crazy as what actually happens to me.  Case in point:  two days ago at the dinner table, my kids were discussing what would happen if their favorite foods rained down from the sky.  Grant asked Lauryn what her favorite food was, and she replied, "I'll give you a hint...before you eat it, you dance around the kitchen with it on your head."  Grant's response?  "Oh, yeah, that's right.  You like pineapples.  I forgot." 
Yes, my six year old daughter believes that dancing around the kitchen with a pineapple on your head is not only a perfectly normal thing to do, but in fact a prerequisite to the consumption of fruit.  Welcome to my world.  Buckle up. 

The Circle of Life

This one goes into the "funny things kids say" category... On Tuesday night we were discussing Veteran's Day at the dinner table with the kids, and Arlington National Cemetary (which we were able to visit last spring) came up in the conversation. Breanne, whose memory is occasionally fuzzy, asked what a cemetary was. Grant, whose memory is excellent but whose vocabularic interpretation is frequently entertaining, piped up, "I know! Cemetary is when both sides of something are the same!"
In fairness to Grant, Arlington DOES invoke a sense of symmetry.
And as a side note, this is something I'd forgotten since it hasn't happened to me in many years, but milk HURTS when it comes out of your nose.

Ke Inka Miharu!!

Someone once taught my sister how to say "Lookout, your hair is on fire!" in Japanese. Hey, you never know when a phrase like that might come in handy. I'm not sure I've remembered it correctly, but close enough.

Jackson's hair is, of course, not actually on fire. His dad just broke one of the cardinal rules of photography: Never make the Eifel Tower come out of Aunt Louise's head unless she looks better that way. In this case, it's a backyard bonfire, not the Eifel Tower, but Jackson definitely does NOT look better that way! (Certainly makes an interesting picture, though; especially given that he and Maverick of Top Gun fame have in common the trait of never being truly happy unless they're doing Mock 1 with their hair on fire.)

Jackson's 2nd Birthday

Trust the grandparents to provide a noisy toy!! But Jackson had fun showing off his dancing skills. Notice he's also clutching his new Cars cars and sporting his new Cars slippers...three favorite presents being enjoyed all at once, what could be better?

Bicycles on the Roof

"Mom, there's bicycles on the roof."
Another freak windstorm has passed through our neighborhood, and in the aftermath of this one our roof is decorated with dozens of bicycles. But this time as I survey the damage, I chuckle, because I'm dreaming. I must be dreaming. The lush green lawn tickles my bare feet as I stand gazing up at the roof, shielding my eyes from the sun and it's January... yep, I'm dreaming.

"Mom, there's bicycles on the trees, too!"
It's Lauryn's musical little voice in my ear. She still has the squishy r's and l's of a toddler despite her otherwise grown-up vocabulary. I can feel her soft dewey cheek against mine as she puts her lips close to my ear to share her exciting news about the bicycles. ...wait a minute... Lauryn's awake, I'm not dreaming, there are bicycles on the roof? The fog of sleep is abruptly wiped from my brain, and I'm out of bed, on my feet, and running to the window with a speed that would shock anyone familiar with my morning habits. A moment later I lay my cheek against the cold window in an effort to slow down my racing heart, and finally I can release the breath I've been holding ever since I realized I wasn't dreaming. It comes out at first in a shudder and then with a syncopation that echoes my relieved laughter, leaving a long bouncing foggy spot on the glass.

There are icicles on the roof. They hang from the gutters on the house and adorn every tree branch in the backyard. Icicles.

"See, Mommy? See those pretty bicycles?"
Yes, Lauryn. I see the pretty bicycles.

I'll catch up next year!!

By the way, just in case you've been thinking to yourself, "gee, is Cristyn dead?" the answer is Yes, I was. There's a really nasty two-week flu going around, and of course I caught it a few days after Halloween (note to self, while you're at the clinic getting flu shots for the kids, maybe you should get one yourself, too?) And then, just when I was finally feeling better, my kids brought home a gift from their school: strep throat. Which we all caught one at a time and one after another just to stretch out mom's misery for as long as was humanly possible!!! But we are all well again at long last (although the top two octaves of my singing voice are still gone...but if you've ever heard me sing you know this is no great loss.) Christmas cards are finally on their way out; this was supposed to happen before Thanksgiving since we moved and no one has our new address, but oh well. Perhaps you will receive a New Year's greeting from us instead! Merry Christmas!! We love you!

To the North Pole and back

Uncle G's Christmas present to our family this year was tickets on the Polar Express (known locally as the Lebanon-Mason Railroad during the other eleven months of the year!) The kids were very excited to go visit Santa's workshop at the North Pole, relieved to learn that they did not have to walk on top of the train in the snow, and just a little disappointed to discover that the hot chocolate servers didn't dance on the ceiling. But the juggling elves, a picture with Santa, and more than a few cookies made the trip worthwhile. We love Uncle G!!!!

And just in case you're ever in our corner of the universe, Lebanon Ohio is a really cute little town if you're into antiques and historical markers! There's a hotel where Henry Clay stayed and all kinds of cool stuff. Who knew? Just goes to show, you don't need to travel across the country or across the world to find new stuff to see and learn. (Of course, the chocolate factory across the street from the train station was our favorite attraction, but hey, we did look at the historical stuff...)